RNA – How must a girl and a boy get to know each other in terms of morals and behaviour?
A premarital relationship is forbidden (and I agree that it is forbidden). If we go to a one matchmaking meeting, it may be a pretense and we cannot truly get to know each other’s morals after one meeting and if the number of meetings continues, it creates a sense of attachment (especially in girls). I’ve seen this happen to a lot of wonderful people. Morality is the most important part of marriage after being cold-tempered or hot-tempered, and if the morality of both people wasn’t agreed upon, many problems would occur.
If the matchmaking is done correctly and the various stages are completed, it is possible to get to know someone to a great extent. Of course, it is not enough to have enough knowledge about someone after one meeting of speaking but it requires several meetings. Of course, you must ask the most important and key questions in the first meeting and listen to the answers. Then after the meeting, you have to think about them. If there is no suitability, the matchmaking must be stopped. If the answer to the key questions indicates consensus, a second meeting will be scheduled. Do the same for other meetings. Therefore, if the girl and the boy know what to say in the first matchmaking meeting, they will get a general conclusion during the same matchmaking meeting. If the result of the first meeting is positive, it means that they agree on generalities and important issues and they can think about other meetings.
Perhaps the people you have seen their dependence and attachment to have not acted on the precise matchmaking. That is, instead of trying to get to know each other’s spirits in the matchmaking meeting, they subconsciously establish an emotional relationship with each other and move away from the main issues. Then, in the fourth session, for example, they realize something that eliminates the whole issue. Here, if they were careful, they might have dismissed the first session and the work did not lead to attachment.
Therefore, the number of matchmaking meetings (meaning that the girl and the boy talk to each other) must be more than once and maybe three or four meetings are good. Meetings should be managed. That is, in the first session, more important issues are discussed, and if agreed, the second session with less important issues, and then, if agreed, the third session, and so on.
It is necessary to talk to the girl and the boy, but it is not enough, but there must be research about the other party and his and her families, on such as issues such as parental relations, place of work and education, selected friends, the status of married members with their spouses. It will be very useful. Thus, direct communication does not always give a complete knowledge of human beings, but detailed local research of people, even if not relatives, in the place of living and studying, etc., will be very helpful.
In matchmaking, family members must be helped to get to know the other person and his or her family better. Older people can help a lot here, and because they have more experience, their discernment is more reliable.
Having a hot or cold temperament can be a problem for a girl and a boy if there is are large differences between the two but usually, people in this field are moderate. It is better to not discuss it during the first meeting. Meanwhile, many girls and boys think that they are cold or hot-tempered if their discernment is incorrect because a high libido when single is not the cause of hot-temperament. Likewise, low libido in a single person is not the cause of a cold temperament.
Try to observe more important issues in the first meeting to gain a general understanding. Issues such as beliefs, intellectual independence, social communication, employment, family communication, political and social activities, etc. If the result of your knowledge in the first meeting was positive, you can arrange future meetings and hope for this connection.
Depending on your age, you may have little experience and knowledge of the criteria for choosing a spouse. You need to get help from adults and knowledgeable people. You can also get help from counselling centres that, with a few meetings with the presence of the boy and the girl, determine the agreement or disagreement of the parties.
The distance between the time of acquaintance and the time of the religious marriage contract must be slightly increased. Until the shari’ah contract is read, the proposal can be broken. Of course, not for imaginary and useless reasons, but if there truly was a problem.
For information on the correct criteria for choosing a spouse, read the book “Youth and Spouse Selection” by Professor Ali-Akbar Mazaheri and the book “Petals of Life” by Professor Hoseyn Dehnavi.
Rasa News Agency