The consequences of harassing one’s parents

God cares so much about the hardships of our parents that in the Quran, after saying, ‎‎“Worship me,” He has encouraged us to be kind, loving and to pray for our parents.‎

News ID: 450565

Date: 05 August 2020 - 16:55

Question:‎

If the children harass their parents and the parents are dissatisfied with them, what will be ‎the future for the children?‎

Response:‎

In our religion there are very distinctive commandments about respect and kindness to ‎parents. We have been asked to be kind to them due to their day-to-day hardships and to ‎refrain from behaviour and speech that offends them. God cares so much about the efforts ‎of our parents that in the Quran, after saying “worship Me,” He has encouraged us to be ‎kind, loving, and to supplicate for our parents. Elsewhere, he said: “Be very careful how you ‎treat your parents, especially as they get older, as they need more attention and respect.” ‎‎[1]‎

Example: Imagine you enter a classroom and sit in your place. Your friend sees you, ‎smiles, comes up to you and puts a gift in front of you and says, “My good friend, don’t ‎mention it” [“qabel nadarad,” an example of ta’arof – Iranian ritual politeness]. How does ‎this make you feel? What do you think about your friend? Do you intend to reciprocate his ‎love? Now pay attention to the moment that your parents have treated you well (preparing ‎food, preparing clothes, educating yourself, protecting yourself, especially in childhood, ‎waking up, cooking, washing clothes, school fees, etc.) Truly, can we compensate for all ‎this love? If we cannot, it is better to do something so that they do not get upset with us. ‎Parents expect us to be good children for what they have done for us and to make them ‎proud among our relatives and our community, they think of our success and want to be ‎successful in our religious education.‎

Phone games: Children like to play because of their young age, cheerfulness and vitality, ‎buy their favourite things at a specific time, go out with their best friends, etc. However, due ‎to their experience, parents may forbid them from making some friends or, due to their ‎poor financial situation, they may not be able to provide more entertainment and welfare ‎facilities for their child or children. This is where the child should be vigilant and not make ‎excuses. In order that they do not get into trouble, sometimes the children forget the ‎essential role and love of the parents and do things that dissatisfy them. Here the child must ‎quickly apologize to his parents and won their hearts. Parents also love such children and are ‎quickly satisfied with them.‎

Disobedience to parents (‘aqq al-walidayn): Sometimes children do things that break ‎the hearts and dignity of their parents. For example, they disrespect them, they shout at ‎them and so on, which causes parents to be dissatisfied with their children. This is ‎interpreted in Islamic culture as “disobedience to parents” (‘aqq al-walidayn). ‎

Parental dissatisfaction has consequences that are mentioned below:‎

‎1. Dissatisfaction of God [2]: Because we have in a narration: “Satisfy your parents so ‎that God will be pleased with you.”‎

‎2. Loss of long life [3]: Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq (a) says in a hadith: “Respect your parents in ‎order to have a long life.”‎

‎3. Non-acceptance of salah (prayers).‎

‎4. Non-acceptance of du’as (supplications): We humans need God’s grace in our ‎smallest needs. That is why we always turn to God in our actions. It is better to satisfy our ‎parents and provide the means for our prayers to be answered.‎

‎5. Deprived of the supplications of one’s parents: Our parents are among the people ‎whose prayers work for us because they are beloved by God and God answers their ‎prayers. Therefore, we should not do anything to deprive them of their prayers.‎

‎6. Misery [4]: A person who makes his parents dissatisfied will not see happiness in his life ‎and will suffer from poverty, worry and anxiety.‎

‎7. Revenge [5]: We read in the hadiths that no matter how you treat your parents, your ‎children will treat you the same, that is, if you do something that makes your parents ‎dissatisfied with you, your children will do things in the future which cause you annoyance.‎

‎8. The scent of heaven: One who does not thank his parents for their efforts certainly ‎does not thank God. This person does not smell the scent of heaven.‎

‎9. Difficult death [6]: Harassment of one’s parents makes the moments of death very ‎difficult for mankind but he who loves and respects his parents will witness the kindness of ‎God’s angels and God’s grace at the moment of death.‎

Final points: It is clear that humans sometimes annoy others in their daily lives because we ‎humans are fallible but the important thing is that we should not actually harass others, ‎especially our parents. We should do something to be loved by them, that is, to respect ‎them, to ask them for advice in matters, to express our wishes with respect and kindness, ‎let them not shout at us, let us appreciate their efforts in front of others, and whenever we ‎make a mistake, immediately apologize to them for our mistake. If we do so, we will ‎achieve good results, such as: ‎
‎1. The pleasure of God. 2. Acceptance of supplications and prayer. 3. A life full of joy and ‎blessings. 4. Good relationships with your children. 5. A long life. 6. Reaching heaven.‎

Footnotes:‎

‎[1] “Lower the wing of humility to them, mercifully, and say, ‘My Lord! Have mercy on ‎them, just as they reared me when I was [a] small [child]!’” [Quran 17:24] ‎

‎“Whoever acts righteously, it is for his own soul, and whoever does evil, it is to its own ‎detriment, then you will be brought back to your Lord.” [Quran 45:15] ‎

‎2. al-Jalali, Muhammad-Husayn, “Social Etiquette in Islam,” translated by Javad Bayat, etc., ‎Islamic Propagation Organization, first edition, 1993, p. 14.‎

‎3. Ibid., p. 17.‎

‎4. Ibid., p. 18.‎

‎5. Organi-Behbahani, Mahmoud, “Etiquette of Associating with Relatives, Publishing the ‎Message of Imam al-Mahdi (aj).” First Edition, 2001, p. 156. Ali (AS): “‎راع أباك يراعى أبنك‎” ‎‎“Obey your father so that your child will respect you.”‎

‎6. Ibid., p.156.‎

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