The consequences of harassing one’s parents
God cares so much about the hardships of our parents that in the Quran, after saying, “Worship me,” He has encouraged us to be kind, loving and to pray for our parents.
Question:
If the children harass their parents and the parents are dissatisfied with them, what will be the future for the children?
Response:
In our religion there are very distinctive commandments about respect and kindness to parents. We have been asked to be kind to them due to their day-to-day hardships and to refrain from behaviour and speech that offends them. God cares so much about the efforts of our parents that in the Quran, after saying “worship Me,” He has encouraged us to be kind, loving, and to supplicate for our parents. Elsewhere, he said: “Be very careful how you treat your parents, especially as they get older, as they need more attention and respect.” [1]
Example: Imagine you enter a classroom and sit in your place. Your friend sees you, smiles, comes up to you and puts a gift in front of you and says, “My good friend, don’t mention it” [“qabel nadarad,” an example of ta’arof – Iranian ritual politeness]. How does this make you feel? What do you think about your friend? Do you intend to reciprocate his love? Now pay attention to the moment that your parents have treated you well (preparing food, preparing clothes, educating yourself, protecting yourself, especially in childhood, waking up, cooking, washing clothes, school fees, etc.) Truly, can we compensate for all this love? If we cannot, it is better to do something so that they do not get upset with us. Parents expect us to be good children for what they have done for us and to make them proud among our relatives and our community, they think of our success and want to be successful in our religious education.
Phone games: Children like to play because of their young age, cheerfulness and vitality, buy their favourite things at a specific time, go out with their best friends, etc. However, due to their experience, parents may forbid them from making some friends or, due to their poor financial situation, they may not be able to provide more entertainment and welfare facilities for their child or children. This is where the child should be vigilant and not make excuses. In order that they do not get into trouble, sometimes the children forget the essential role and love of the parents and do things that dissatisfy them. Here the child must quickly apologize to his parents and won their hearts. Parents also love such children and are quickly satisfied with them.
Disobedience to parents (‘aqq al-walidayn): Sometimes children do things that break the hearts and dignity of their parents. For example, they disrespect them, they shout at them and so on, which causes parents to be dissatisfied with their children. This is interpreted in Islamic culture as “disobedience to parents” (‘aqq al-walidayn).
Parental dissatisfaction has consequences that are mentioned below:
1. Dissatisfaction of God [2]: Because we have in a narration: “Satisfy your parents so that God will be pleased with you.”
2. Loss of long life [3]: Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq (a) says in a hadith: “Respect your parents in order to have a long life.”
3. Non-acceptance of salah (prayers).
4. Non-acceptance of du’as (supplications): We humans need God’s grace in our smallest needs. That is why we always turn to God in our actions. It is better to satisfy our parents and provide the means for our prayers to be answered.
5. Deprived of the supplications of one’s parents: Our parents are among the people whose prayers work for us because they are beloved by God and God answers their prayers. Therefore, we should not do anything to deprive them of their prayers.
6. Misery [4]: A person who makes his parents dissatisfied will not see happiness in his life and will suffer from poverty, worry and anxiety.
7. Revenge [5]: We read in the hadiths that no matter how you treat your parents, your children will treat you the same, that is, if you do something that makes your parents dissatisfied with you, your children will do things in the future which cause you annoyance.
8. The scent of heaven: One who does not thank his parents for their efforts certainly does not thank God. This person does not smell the scent of heaven.
9. Difficult death [6]: Harassment of one’s parents makes the moments of death very difficult for mankind but he who loves and respects his parents will witness the kindness of God’s angels and God’s grace at the moment of death.
Final points: It is clear that humans sometimes annoy others in their daily lives because we humans are fallible but the important thing is that we should not actually harass others, especially our parents. We should do something to be loved by them, that is, to respect them, to ask them for advice in matters, to express our wishes with respect and kindness, let them not shout at us, let us appreciate their efforts in front of others, and whenever we make a mistake, immediately apologize to them for our mistake. If we do so, we will achieve good results, such as:
1. The pleasure of God. 2. Acceptance of supplications and prayer. 3. A life full of joy and blessings. 4. Good relationships with your children. 5. A long life. 6. Reaching heaven.
Footnotes:
[1] “Lower the wing of humility to them, mercifully, and say, ‘My Lord! Have mercy on them, just as they reared me when I was [a] small [child]!’” [Quran 17:24]
“Whoever acts righteously, it is for his own soul, and whoever does evil, it is to its own detriment, then you will be brought back to your Lord.” [Quran 45:15]
2. al-Jalali, Muhammad-Husayn, “Social Etiquette in Islam,” translated by Javad Bayat, etc., Islamic Propagation Organization, first edition, 1993, p. 14.
3. Ibid., p. 17.
4. Ibid., p. 18.
5. Organi-Behbahani, Mahmoud, “Etiquette of Associating with Relatives, Publishing the Message of Imam al-Mahdi (aj).” First Edition, 2001, p. 156. Ali (AS): “راع أباك يراعى أبنك” “Obey your father so that your child will respect you.”
6. Ibid., p.156.
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